"Fear not the flames. You are the fire."
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Filial Piety & Overcompensation • Why Skyholders, Money Trees and Immigrant Children Are So Burnt Out
Ever since I was little, I was called a "money tree" as a term of endearment. You shake it and money is supposed to fall out. It wasn't until I realized the insidious role of "filial piety" that I understood what drives overachievers and immigrants to burnout.
Our wounds from our Family of Origin are often not about the parent or the perpetrator, but a window into larger forces at play: Sacred Contracts and karmic agreements. There is no overnight healing, but you can get your hands on a "Get Out of Jail Free" card from systemic patriarchy.
Ever come home from school with a 99% and had your Asian parent ask you where the 1% went? How about coming home with 109% and still being asked there the 1% went. When the voice of "You're not enough!" are internalized, it turns to shame. Then under the magnifying glass of filial piety, it turns to self-hatred.
🌀 Stay small and mousy, so not to make noise, make waves or bother anyone. 🌀 Extraordinarily capable and self-reliant, rarely creating support systems that allow others to give to me, thus feeling alone and isolated (curse of self-sufficiency). 🌀 Feel obligated to jump in and rescue / fix everything that is wrong, unable not to.
🌀 Rarely content because life is ruled by impossibly high standards of perfection. 🌀 Chronically over-give, over-do and over-compensate just to get the same success and/or validation as everyone else. 🌀 Organize life around duty and survival (eg. debt, clutter, barren home) rather than thriving (eg. beauty, joy, pleasure).