"Fear not the flames. You are the fire."
May these reclamation stories and liberation tools inspire and guide you to navigate time, identity and creativity, gracefully and joyfully. xo, Ellany
To renew or sustain an identity or creative pursuit,
start with Freedom Fundamentals. ⤵︎
If it took 10 years to cultivate the seeds of your masterpiece, would you? If it took another 10 years before reaping the harvest, would you? It’s been 8 years and 3 months of space clawing, shards treading, fire palming and tear tagging. Why?!?
We know that is bad for us, yet we keep doing it. We know this is good for us, yet we keep avoiding it. Why? Because mind-knowing (conceptual) is not enough. We need a full set of heart-knowing (emotional), body-knowing (experiential) and soul-knowing (transcendental) to sustain change and freedom.
Creativity follows a tao [Chinese: 道], which means path, from chakra to chakra. Any blockage along the way can abort creativity. What are these blockages? Watch this wisdom video to stop living with foot on the gas pedal, but handbrake on.
Are you a self-development junkie too? Have you signed up for every retreat that sparked your soul, every workshop that tickled your mind, and every healing modality that soothed your heart? I have...
There is an exquisite freedom at the intersection of: Passion, Calling, Mission, Vocation and Profession. Meet the 3 archetypes who have not quite arrived and why.
If given one match, a lantern, and a map, would you use the match to light the lantern to see the map... or use the match to burn the map and fumble in the dark?
After a talk I gave last year, audience members asked me what fuelled / drove my quest for freedom. "All I've ever wanted... is to be free," those words fell out of my jaw for the first time.
The Universe pumped adventure into my lungs, but clipped my canary wings. The Universe encoded freedom into my soul, but shackled every limb with gender, filial piety, birth order, personality, cultural, and social chains.
Turns out there aren’t 25 different types of fear. There is one root fear, which wears 25 different masks. If you could unmask each one, could you become fearless, as in less afraid? If you practiced fear dissolution, could you become fear-free? Let’s explore.
From unconscious incompetence, to conscious incompetence, to conscious competence, then to unconscious competence, navigating the 4 Stages of Adult Learning is uncomfortable. Yet, there's no way around it...
Today, I'm writing to you from Odessa, Ukraine. Totally did not plan on being here. The only thing I knew about Ukraine is that the Ukrainian figure skater Oksana Baiul who won the gold medal in 1994. And the only thing I knew about Odessa is that it's by the sea. I love the sea <3
Filial Piety & Overcompensation • Why Skyholders, Money Trees and Immigrant Children Are So Burnt Out
Ever since I was little, I was called a "money tree" as a term of endearment. You shake it and money is supposed to fall out. It wasn't until I realized the insidious role of "filial piety" that I understood what drives overachievers and immigrants to burnout.
Mama Bear always looked at me with a sparkle of "You. Are. A. Bringer. Of. Joy." Me, joy? As if. But after 5 degrees of mirroring, I couldn't deny it anymore. They didn't see joy in me. They saw me as joy. I was the joy. Could it be?
While handgliding, I felt an invisible force that I couldn't name. Then during a 56-countries-in-52-weeks trip that I did NOT plan or see coming, I felt it again, like a sidekick with a headset that guided me, as I James Bond-ed through that year.
During a healing session in Bali, I couldn't perceive or discern my left foot from my right ear. I couldn't feel myself... as if... I had... no self. Through Fields of Gold, my body cried marble tears and felt joy for the very first time.
I was once asked, "What's your capacity for Stuwvyxz?" I don't know. What's Stuwvyxz? I tossed that inquiry in the junk drawer of "Things I Never Knew Existed". Thanks to a rom-com, my mind eventually figured out what Stuwvyxz is.
Will I ever be ok? In this cruel, harsh world? Can I even trust my memories? Or lack thereof? What's real and not real anymore? Isn't healing supposed to restore my energy, not drain it?
I spent months uneasy with the diagnosis of PTSD. In my ego-construct, PTSD was exclusively reserved for war veterans, refugees, and car crash and assault victims. It turns out, shame had me believe that I wasn't worthy of the PTSD diagnosis, ie of its healing...
Our wounds from our Family of Origin are often not about the parent or the perpetrator, but a window into larger forces at play: Sacred Contracts and karmic agreements. There is no overnight healing, but you can get your hands on a "Get Out of Jail Free" card from systemic patriarchy.
Ever come home from school with a 99% and had your Asian parent ask you where the 1% went? How about coming home with 109% and still being asked there the 1% went. When the voice of "You're not enough!" are internalized, it turns to shame. Then under the magnifying glass of filial piety, it turns to self-hatred.
Do you have Shiny Object Syndrome, aka ADD / ADHD, aka as Squirrel!!! 🐿🐿 🐿 Have you ever been over-zealous, saw something shiny, touched it then got burned?
I once stumbled upon an e-course called "Create your Damn E-course" and it made me chuckle because without even realizing it, people were damning their own e-courses right from the beginning. No wonder they never finished the e-course, didn't launch it, or launched it but made no money.
This week, doing the right things in the right order is the focus. You must know your ideal client before you tailor your curriculum to their deepest needs.You must build a dream team (even if it just starts with one, plus you) before you dive into recording/editing or you won't make it to the finish line...
There is faaaaaar too much hype around "Make $90,000 in 90 Days!", "Be Famous in Five Minutes!", "Six weeks to Six-figures!", or "11 Day E-course Challenge". I'm not saying that those claims don't work. I'm saying that it's not the full picture. I'm saying what they're not saying...
When I updated this blog series from 2017 in 2021, I realized that 28 of those original 36 memories had vanished. Even under hypnotherapy, I wouldn't have remembered them. They no longer carried any emotional charge. And that is what I call freedom!
Asking an overachiever to be patient is is like asking a bowling ball to float. Because we are super-doers, we think we can out-do the Universe. Ha! Purging negative memories is a journey of healing, forgiveness and surrendering to the grand unfolding of our lives.
An emotionally charged money incident can scar or even traumatize a child. Just because our body has aged chronologically, it doesn't mean that inner child has recovered. How do we unwire and rewire our fear and scarcity circuitries?
With every client who has money gremlins, we do a "Negative Money Memory Purge." It helps pull whatever guilt, hurt, shame, anxiety, or fear associated with money out of their psyche. Then we burn the paper(s) 🔥 to free the mind, heart and body.
What happens after we return home, powerful and whole? The hungry freedom seeker is about to transform into a fulfilled liberator on The Liberator's Journey...
Instead of transforming a hero from lone outcast to victorious warrior, The Heroine's Journey transforms a heroine from abandoned girl to reclaimed goddess....
Anytime you're about to do something new, different, or daring, whether you know it or not, you are embarking on a quest. Joseph Campbell coined this quest The Hero's Journey...
All these spiritual flues, energetic ascensions, and mystical experiences, I never asked for any of them. Did I? I feel like I made a heap of choices before coming to Earth, but I can't remember most of them. Would I have lived differently if I remembered those choices?
Midway through my certification, I developed the ability to feel what my clients were feeling, but 2-3 days before they felt it. Hearts were cracked open and mended with grace. But just because you can, doesn't mean you should...
I literally smacked into this career identity, which would lead to a love at first sight partnership 6 years later. The studio was up and running in 3 weeks time! But it's true what they say: if you're gonna fail, fail fast. But first, try everything 3 times.
I could have coasted through this semi-retirement lifestyle for decades, but my soul yearned and cried for deeper meaning and broader contribution. "F*ck you, soul! Why can't you just be content?!?" Ah, but a smooth sea never made a skilled sailor...
For the first time in my life, I felt seen for who I am, not for what I'd achieved. I had no idea that I had walked into the alchemical fire that would forge me from a freedom seeker into a liberator. All triggered by a date who stood me up!
This career identity took twice as long to let go than to build. I resented the Universe for calling me onto a new path, which I didn't even ask for it, and for making something I adored feel like such a drag.
This career was dreamier than the previous dream career. If I let it go there will be nothing left. It'd be years before I'd know that when you reach the end of your rope, the Universe intervenes. Not to hand you a new rope (that would be too easy), but to...
I lined up 5 interviews in 5 days in New York City, got on a plane, got a job offer and apartment on Day 6, flew home on Day 7 to pack and moved my entire life to NYC on Day 8. That is what "all in" looked like.
For the first time in my life I followed my heart, not what was demanded of me. I decided I wanted to do good as a career, it was destined for me. I would learn the hard way that destiny is not a destination.
Go ahead, put on the golden shackles, I am ready to become the work ox and ATM machine I was born to be. It be another 12 years before I'd learn about "spiritual aridity" and how the cost of misery is too high a price to pay.
I felt mad making a career 180 and starting over from scratch at this point. Who walks away from job offers and amazing female mentors?!? It'd be another 9 years before I discerned: Just because you can, doesn't mean you should.
Someone out there is able to study the cosmos thanks to aerospace telescope parts that I made with my two bare hands. But keeping the awe of the cosmos in my heart isn't the same as spending an entire career climbing uphill toward an impenetrable "Boys Club."
I did a career 180 when I went into banking, thinking I'd finally become the best white man and eldest son I was supposed to be. Ha! In the end, only three things matter: one of them is letting go of things not meant for you.
I had never touched any kind of industrial machinery before, but my aluminum coupling turned out better than my mentor's. But that career would have been an over-compensation for the career that my dad loss.
I made websites just because, out of pure joy, pure curiosity, pure creativity. Then people started paying me for it. Who knew that would happen?!? But with every gain, there is great loss...
Navigating identity crisis, non-conformity and freedom requires a soul with stamina. "The price is high, the reward is great." May these stories of my 16 career identity re-inventions inspire you to make brave leaps of faith, examine your choices with awe, and surrender to the unfolding of your unique path.