Fear not the flames. You are the fire.
May these stories of freedom and reclamation inspire you to navigate identity, creativity and freedompreneurship, gracefully and joyfully. xo Ellany
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Are you a self-development junkie too? Have you signed up for every retreat that sparked your soul, every workshop that tickled your mind, and every healing modality that soothed your heart? I have...
Ever come home from school with a 99% and had your Asian parent ask you where the 1% went? How about coming home with 109% and still being asked there the 1% went. When the voice of "You're not enough!" are internalized, it turns to shame. Then under the magnifying glass of filial piety, it turns to self-hatred.
Who knew that "failing" at a ropes course would lead to my hyperachiever saboteur's RIP funeral. And the moment my feet touched the ground, a lightning bolt of truth shot through the back of my head, neck and shoulder blades, “How have I never mattered before? How is this the first time?”
🌀 Always say yes and take on more than I can handle, stressing self to the max. 🌀 Hide or fall off the face of the earth when I start to notice that I can’t meet all my promises. 🌀 Chronically procrastinate, poor follow-through (eg. missed deadlines, late fees).
🌀 Present self as having it all together and don’t need anything from anyone. 🌀 Be a know-it-all, constantly correcting others with unsolicited advice, closed off to new insights, lessons, or perspectives. 🌀 Uncomfortable in a room if not holding a position of power or importance (usually the leader, rarely the follower).
🌀 Extremely high expectations of self/others to be good, perfect, altruistic at all times. 🌀 Vacillate between extreme perfectionism and extreme rebellion/non-conformity. 🌀 Take on others’ poor behavior as my own fault, enabling them to avoid personal responsibility and accountability.
🌀 Give away my resources (time, energy, money, body, services, etc.) for free or for very little, as if they were disposable. 🌀 Chronically borrow against my own security and well being, thus perpetually feeling depleted, indebted and/or in survival mode. 🌀 Overstay miserable relationships and/or flee at the first sign of conflict.
🌀 Constantly misunderstood and told to calm down, be quiet and/or stop moving. 🌀 Others are intimidated / overwhelmed by the bigness of my ambition, energy, speed, creative pursuits, voice, etc. 🌀 Chronically repress my needs / desires, never asking for their fulfillment, fearing that they are “too much” for others.
🌀 Design my entire life inside chronic self-sufficiency and/or addictions (eg. workaholism), thus further isolating myself. 🌀 Contort self to be what others want, so to be loved, accepted and/or validated. 🌀 Overstay relationships that I’ve long outgrown because I can’t bear ending up alone and/or abandoning others.
🌀 Stay small and mousy, so not to make noise, make waves or bother anyone. 🌀 Extraordinarily capable and self-reliant, rarely creating support systems that allow others to give to me, thus feeling alone and isolated (curse of self-sufficiency). 🌀 Feel obligated to jump in and rescue / fix everything that is wrong, unable not to.
🌀 Feel like the black sheep of the family, never really fitting in anywhere, and longing for true belonging. 🌀 Carry heavy false belief that life is lonely, unkind or not made for people like me. 🌀 Suffer from severe self-doubt and/or self-hatred due to lack of loving recognition, by self and/or others, of my unique gifts.
🌀 Live in chronic stress / fear that it’s dangerous to be seen (eg. I’ll be burnt at the stake or hacked down to size). 🌀 Shy, always redirect focus on others to hide true self, worth, and/or power. 🌀 Unable not to give to others, even if at my own expense, exhaustion or annihilation.
🌀 Carry the false belief that it’s evil to have (money, love, joy, pleasure), that I need to be poor to be good. 🌀 Chronically borrow against my own well being by over-working and under-earning. 🌀 Crushed under the weight of scarcity, with never enough time, money, opportunities, support, love to go around.
🌀 Rarely content because life is ruled by impossibly high standards of perfection. 🌀 Chronically over-give, over-do and over-compensate just to get the same success and/or validation as everyone else. 🌀 Organize life around duty and survival (eg. debt, clutter, barren home) rather than thriving (eg. beauty, joy, pleasure).
🌀 Suffer from hyper-vigilance, always waiting for the other shoe to drop. 🌀 Overly naïve and trusting, thus attracting narcissists, sociopaths and/or con artists. 🌀 Take a lot of uncalculated risks, living close to the edge, with few safety nets.