Fear not the flames. You are the fire.

Series • Wounded Child

Filial Piety • How Asian Parents Sow the Seeds of "Not Enough" and Self-hatred

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Ever come home from school with a 99% and had your Asian parent ask you where the 1% went? How about coming home with 109% and still being asked there the 1% went. When the voice of "You're not enough!" are internalized, it turns to shame. Then under the magnifying glass of filial piety, it turns to self-hatred.

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The Invisible Child • How I Discovered that I Do Matter

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Who knew that "failing" at a ropes course would lead to my hyperachiever saboteur's RIP funeral. And the moment my feet touched the ground, a lightning bolt of truth shot through the back of my head, neck and shoulder blades, “How have I never mattered before? How is this the first time?”

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The Failure Child • Wounded Child Archetypes

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🌀 Always say yes and take on more than I can handle, stressing self to the max. 🌀 Hide or fall off the face of the earth when I start to notice that I can’t meet all my promises. 🌀 Chronically procrastinate, poor follow-through (eg. missed deadlines, late fees).

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The Powerless Child • Wounded Child Archetypes

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🌀 Present self as having it all together and don’t need anything from anyone. 🌀 Be a know-it-all, constantly correcting others with unsolicited advice, closed off to new insights, lessons, or perspectives. 🌀 Uncomfortable in a room if not holding a position of power or importance (usually the leader, rarely the follower).

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The Mistake Child • Wounded Child Archetypes

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🌀 Extremely high expectations of self/others to be good, perfect, altruistic at all times. 🌀 Vacillate between extreme perfectionism and extreme rebellion/non-conformity. 🌀 Take on others’ poor behavior as my own fault, enabling them to avoid personal responsibility and accountability.

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The Disposable Child • Wounded Child Archetypes

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🌀 Give away my resources (time, energy, money, body, services, etc.) for free or for very little, as if they were disposable. 🌀 Chronically borrow against my own security and well being, thus perpetually feeling depleted, indebted and/or in survival mode. 🌀 Overstay miserable relationships and/or flee at the first sign of conflict.

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The “Too Much” Child • Wounded Child Archetypes

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🌀 Constantly misunderstood and told to calm down, be quiet and/or stop moving. 🌀 Others are intimidated / overwhelmed by the bigness of my ambition, energy, speed, creative pursuits, voice, etc. 🌀 Chronically repress my needs / desires, never asking for their fulfillment, fearing that they are “too much” for others.

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The Abandoned Child • Wounded Child Archetypes

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🌀 Design my entire life inside chronic self-sufficiency and/or addictions (eg. workaholism), thus further isolating myself. 🌀 Contort self to be what others want, so to be loved, accepted and/or validated. 🌀 Overstay relationships that I’ve long outgrown because I can’t bear ending up alone and/or abandoning others.

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The Burden Child • Wounded Child Archetypes

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🌀 Stay small and mousy, so not to make noise, make waves or bother anyone. 🌀 Extraordinarily capable and self-reliant, rarely creating support systems that allow others to give to me, thus feeling alone and isolated (curse of self-sufficiency). 🌀 Feel obligated to jump in and rescue / fix everything that is wrong, unable not to.

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The Freak Child • Wounded Child Archetypes

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🌀 Feel like the black sheep of the family, never really fitting in anywhere, and longing for true belonging. 🌀 Carry heavy false belief that life is lonely, unkind or not made for people like me. 🌀 Suffer from severe self-doubt and/or self-hatred due to lack of loving recognition, by self and/or others, of my unique gifts.

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